A few times a year I have to make a decision: whether or not to watch the Bachelor (or Bachelorette--depending on the time of year). This is a decision that I do not take lightly.  You see, there are many factors that go into my decision. What follows is some insight into that decision making process.  It is more complicated than you may assume.  Here are are the pros and cons to watching the Bachelor[ette]:

Pros

1. It is hilarious.  For all of the reasons you will see below in the "cons" section, I find the Bachelor[ette] incredibly funny.  I mean, really, am I supposed to take this show seriously?  There's nothing even remotely compelling about it except for the fact that it compels me to simultaneously dissolve into laughter and tears. 

2. My mother loves it.  Given my geographic distance from my mother, who is one of my very best friends (awww), I make every attempt that I can to have things in common with her so that we can maintain our relationship.  It's not like it's a fragile relationship, but making an effort to have things in common with the people you care about is good practice.  This is probably the primary reason that I seriously consider watching the Bachelor[ette] every season-- for talking points with my mother.

3. Sometimes there's nothing else to watch. I like to watch television every night.  It gives me something to look forward to on long days and something mindless to do when I want to relax at night.  Because of this I have a very intricate schedule of tv-time, at all times.  Dead spaces between the hours of 8pm and 11pm must be filled.  Sometimes the only thing to fill those dead spaces with is the Bachelor[ette].  We all have to make sacrifices.

4.  FOMO.  Everyone watches it!  I don't want to be the only one who's not watching!

Cons

1. Assumption that every man/woman loves the target love interest (the Bachelor or Bachelorette of the season).  Am I really supposed to believe that every single one of the harem of men/women that is cast as a potential husband or wife for the target love interest actually falls in love with the target in a week?  Am I to believe that they actually all want to marry her?  That they are all so invested in their relationship with the target (which is one of 30 that the target has in the span of approximately 4 months) that they are brought to tears upon not receiving a rose?  Nope.

2. Assumption that the guy must impress the girl and "make the first move."  It's constantly the man propositioning the woman on this show.  Even when it's a Bachelorette season and there is one woman who gets to choose from 30 men...still the men are expected to make the first move and the Bachelorette complains when they don't, despite her absolute lack of move-making.  Why can't the women be the first to make the moves and why is it that the women are considered sluts when they take their clothes off on the show, but the men are considered macho men.  This is especially problematic considering that most of the audience of the show is women...so much woman-on-woman hate happens...unless they all hate Juan Pablo together (the first time in the history of the show that the entire audience noticed chauvinism--it was pretty blatant...hard to miss).

3. Assumption of reality.  I don't need to explain how contrived every single situation is on this show.  I mean, really?  You got a private concert?  An ex-girlfriend showed up out of "no-where"?  Every single signature on each date card is identical?

4. Perpetuation of the fairy-tale of romance.  I really hate when we get these ideas in our collective head about what "romance" looks like and what a "romantic person" "should" do.  We have developed this crazy idea, as a society, that in order to have a loving and healthy relationship two people must make grand, extravagant, expensive gestures.  Without these gestures, we have grown to believe, we have not adequately expressed our love.  Not once in the history of the Bachelor[ette] have I believed that two people love each-other more than they love the scenery, or the food, or the helicopter ride they get while they're on their date.  We're doing society a disservice by perpetuating these cultural norms.  Romance can be simple.

5. It's very white...so much privilege.  There has been one minority bachelor/bachelorette in the history of the 18 seasons of the bachelor and the 10 seasons of the bachelorette.  Within each season's harem there are usually one or two minority individuals and the remainder are white.  This is a problem considering the fact that approximately 12% of the U.S. population identifies as Black and 12% as Hispanic/Latino.  

6. My poor feminist heart.  HOLY SHIT, THE SEX ROLES! In fact, as I write this, the Bachelorette has just mentioned how much of a turn-on a woman cooking "should be" for a guy (a guy who is apparently not turned on by a woman cooking). "Cooking should be romantic," she says. Similarly, God forbid men and women receive the same type of rose at rose ceremonies.  NO!  Men cannot have stemmed roses, they may may magically turn into women if they receive a stemmed rose.  Men must receive manly lapel-roses.  Also, why is it always the men proposing at the end of the season.  Even when its a Bachelorette season and the woman gets to decide who she wants to marry (or whatever) in the end, the men are still proposing.  So silly.  Women are so frequently offered an illusion of power on this show. A final note on this item, see above statistics on the number of seasons of The Bachelor vs. The Bachelorette.

7.  Where are the normal people? I get the whole idea about sensationalism on reality television (and television in general), but where are the educated  men and women?  Where are the average-looking women and men? Why does everyone look like they just stepped out of an issue of GQ or Vogue?  How did everyone get so much time off of their jobs?  SO MANY QUESTIONS!

8.  Why is everybody whispering? This is a Bachelor[ette] phenomenon that I cannot explain.  All I know is that everyone is constantly whispering on this show despite the fact that they are also constantly microphoned.  Not to mention the fact that there are cameramen and producers within 10 feet of the whisperers at all times.  We can hear you even when you whisper!  Is whispering innately romantic or something? Have I missed this boat?

9.  Speaking of boats, they're going to Venice next week.  Italy is too beautiful a country to be ruined by this insanity.  Mi dispiace Italia, per il Americani. There will also be a lie detector test on the show next week and there is simply no evidence that lie-detector tests provide accurate measurement.  Not enough of an evidence-base on this show.  Too much to ask for?

Given theses lists, one would assume that I would choose to not watch the Bachelor[ette], but, here is a vivid example of how practicality is not reality (or reality television).  In all practical senses I should not watch the Bachelor[ette] because really, the cons WAY outweigh the pros.  But, guess what's on my television screen right now...you guessed it, The Bachelorette, which I have yet to miss an episode of this season.  Like a moth to a flame.

What do we learn from this foray into my mothy mind?  I'm not perfect.  My list is not perfect.  The Bachelor[ette] is NOT PERFECT.  But perfect doesn't exist.  Lists can't always solve our problems and make our decisions clean and simple.  Life is messy.  Lists are messy. And so is reality television.

Keep on thinking,

Josie