I am generally proud of my life.  You may see this as a boastful thing to say, but I do not.  I think we all have the right to be proud of our lives.  We've all worked hard to get to wherever we are right now, so why not own it?  Despite how proud I am with myself, my accomplishments, my possessions, there are a few things that I am not proud of (for example, the fact that I am currently listening to an *NSync song--oh my lord, I just Googled them and they still have a website which is fabulous).  Spice girls just came on.  ***Dance Break*** Anyways, along with my shame of listening to bad 90s pop, I am ashamed of some other things.  Some of my most used, and appreciated possessions are also some of my possessions of which I am most ashamed.  Since I'm so willing to own all of thing things I'm proud of, I figured I should also own the things I'm ashamed of.  So here is a...

...list of things I am ashamed to own:

1. An antenna: When I moved into my current apartment I magically had cable--nothing fancy, but it was the basics.  I was able to watch Honey Boo Boo and Breaking Amish on a regular basis, so I got what I really wanted.  After a year of living in my apartment, someone caught on and my cable disappeared.  As I am both obsessed with television and incredibly cheap, I went searching for an antenna as a reward to myself for sitting through the worst date I have ever been on in my entire life.  This antenna now stands as a tall and proud eyesore, with its massive rabbit ears (on top of my box TV), in the middle of my living room, as a symbol of my thrift.  It is inevitably a conversation starter when friends see it...and judge me.  Judge away, but I watch TV for free! (Mmmm Bop just finished playing...Alanis Morissette just started singing about un-ironic things)
2. The Twilight books... and movies:  I've got them all and I actually enjoy them.  I think the fact that I enjoy them is more embarrassing than the fact that I own them.  I have read the books twice each and have watched all of the movies multiple times. I will NEVER claim that they are well-written but so entertaining!  I'msorrypleasedon'thateme!
3.  Dry shampoo:  The dry shampoo sitting prominently next to my sink is a constant reminder to visitors (and me) of my laziness and subsequent need to band-aid over my poor hygiene.  At least I make an attempt to cover for my dislike of cleaning my hair (Backstreet Boys...Quit Playing Games...genius...I am now singing along).
4. A very large sheep-looking, pink, fleece, zip-up:  The  only way to describe this piece of "fashion" is as an eyesore. It is hideous.  In my defense (OH MY GOD S-CLUB 7) it is one of the warmest pieces of clothing that I own and served me well walking to classes at my North Eastern college. That being said, it probably would have been better off unpurchased.  To maximize the shame, I also have this same jacket in white.  If I don't look sheep-like in the bright pink one, I certainly do in the white one.  BAAAAH.
5. A collection of Nicholas Sparks books.  There are currently six of these beauties on my bookshelf, but there are more where that came from.  I left a number of them at my parent's house when I moved out. For the same reason I am ashamed of these books I also love them...that is, because they are so sugary sweet, unrealistic, and angsty (Floorfiller!, A-Teens, **DANCE BREAK #2**).  It's nice to step out of reality for a while and step into a semi-realistic fantasy world where men are romantic and women conform to female stereotypes that I usually abhor.  I need to get my fill of horrible social convention somewhere.
6. Approximately 50 stuffed animals: ("This is a story about a girl name Lucky"--this may be my favorite Brittney song of all time).  I started this collection the day I was born.  I blame my parents and grandparents.  My "Teddy" (very original, I know) was given to me on the day of my birth.  I have since brought in a second string of "Two-ey" and "Not Teddy" and sent "Teddy," who is old and decrepit, into retirement.  Along with "Teddy," "Two-ey" and "Not Teddy" I have a collection of stuffed beings that I have curated since birth.  Every important event of my life has been commemorated by a stuffed creature...an I don't plan to sell-off the collection any time soon. ("I'm. giving you eeeverything.  All the joy you bring. Yes I sweeear!")
7. 3 very dead plants:  A basil plant (the third of its species that I have executed), a campunella-get-mee (the devil's plant), and some very sad looking flowers with more of their petals scattered across the table on which they sit and the floor below the table, than attached to the stems.  I can't be trusted.  Plants practically scream and run in the opposite direction when they see me now.
8. An empty carton of cookies:  I ate them all in a day.  Again, I can't be trusted.
9. Fake Ugg boots:  Despite the many unsubtle cues from friends and family that I am simply too old to be wearing Ugg boots, let alone wanna-be-Uggs, I continue to wear these boots.  They smell.  They are old.  They have salt stains on them and holes in them.  But they are sooo warm!  (Oh DANG!  Ace of Base!)
10. A cat calendar: The calendar that hangs in my kitchen, and holds all important due dates and travel dates is, first, a freebie, and second, covered in cats.  Each month is accompanied by a photograph of a kitten, posed to reflect whatever holiday or season is taking place in that month.  It is an ode to my future as an old spinster cat lady.  I am allergic to cats.

So, there you have it.  A list of the things I am most ashamed to own.  Let me tell you something though, you should all make a list like this.  It's so therapeutic.  I'm almost over my embarrassment.  Perhaps it was the dance parties that were most therapeutic thought, not the airing of my dirty hair to the world.  (OOPS I DID IT AGAIN!)

Keep on thinking,
Josie

P.S.:  I have no explanation for the insanity and stream-of-consciousness that is this entry...sorry not sorry. Remember, OWN IT!

For the soundtrack to this post:
http://8tracks.com/soundtracks4life/im-90s-b-tch
http://8tracks.com/allonsymelissa/90-s-pop-mix

"New Kids on the Block had a bunch of hits..."

Somebody stop me!

Final note: I just Google searched "ashamed" and the majority of the pictures of ashamed women are naked pictures!  What is that?  Why do men get all of the clothes!?