I have been on a mission this week to create a gift of some sort for my cohort who I will be leaving in a couple of weeks.  We're having our "last supper" (if you will) tomorrow and I wanted to be sure that I attended with something that they can take and remember me by.  I'm making them a basket full of things that are completely irrelevant to this particular discussion. The important thing for you to know is that because it's a gift basket, and because gift baskets are composed of lots of different things, I've had to visit lots of different stores in the past few days.

Today I was finishing up the gift basket project and needed to stop at two of the most unglamorous stores in the world: Walmart and the Dollar Tree.  Now, when I visit unglamorous discount stores, I anticipate that the service I receive and the attitudes of those also shopping at those stores will reflect the quality of the store--so I expect grumpy people and poor service.  Sometimes I'm surprised, but usually my low expectations are met.  Today was a usual day.

I wandered aimlessly around the stores, looking for the things I needed, unable to find them or anyone to assist me in finding them.  At Walmart in particular I lapped the entire (super)store about three times before I finally found what I was looking for, the whole time annoyed that no one noticed my perturbed and confused expression and helped a sister out.  After successfully locating all of my purchases, and getting enough exercise in the mean time to last me the week, I approached the check-out areas.  They were incredibly full.  Ten, maybe even fifteen, people lined up at each register but I got in line and started thinking.

Ugh.  Really? What did you expect on a Saturday afternoon, management? Why are these cashiers moving so slow?  Why aren't there more registers open.  The woman standing behind me is annoying.  Ew, that person eats pork rinds.  Why can't that person read the instructions on the keypad and just push the green button? What kind of mother buys her child a bag of candy? Why is the person next to me complaining about the line being so long?  Suck it up people!

After allowing my mind to wander in that direction for a bit, I remembered an essay by David Foster Wallace (actually a graduation speech turned essay) called "This is Water."  The premise of the speech is that in our daily lives we encounter lots of annoying and frustrated situations (he uses the grocery store check-out line as a very vivid example), and it's easy to fall into the trap of negative automatic thoughts in that moment--but negative thoughts just bring us down.  If we can instead, be attentive and aware of our surroundings and our thoughts, then we have the power to not bring ourselves down and to not make everything in our lives about us.  

And boy did I fall into that trap. All of the negative thoughts I had about other people.  The assumptions, criticisms, and judgments I made.  In that line I fell into the trap and it wasn't until I noticed another woman speaking the words I was thinking, and my annoyance in response to those words, that I realized what I was doing.

So I stepped out of the negative and made a conscious decision to think more complexly about the situation.  To be aware.  I chose to be aware of how hard the cashiers were working to be fast and efficient and also friendly.  I chose to be aware of how exhausted the mom who just bought her son a candy bar was.  I chose to be aware that I was judging a woman for speaking the very same words I had just thought.  When I chose to be aware, I also chose to be a better version of myself in that moment.  A happier, lighter, more polite and pleasant version of myself.

Awareness, not negative thinking, makes us the best versions of ourselves.  I experienced that today.

Keep on thinking,
Josie