On goodbyes

Goodbyes are the worst.  Here's a list of six reasons why:

1.  When attending a goodbye event, or in the days approaching a goodbye, there's awkward avoidance of all conversation regarding the goodbye.   Everyone pretends it doesn't exist which makes it that much more strange when you have no choice but to confront the fact that it does with an actual goodbye.

2.  You have to go through the really awkward, "do we hug, shake hands, or do nothing?" moment.  Sometimes both parties are on the same page and sometimes they aren't.  When they aren't...yeah, that miss-communication will stick with you for a while.  Nothing like an awkward final impression.

3.  There's awkward conversation about keeping in touch, and sending pictures, and communicating, when both parties know that the likelihood that things will ever be the same, despite any massive amounts of communication that can be maintained, is next to impossible.  Pleasantries abound...and I hate pleasantries.

4.  There's awkward processing of feelings and compliments are thrown around like dirty laundry.  I don't do feelings very well, so this is all very painful for me.  I'm ready to run when people start talking about how much they like me and how much I've affected them, and how my departure is making them cry. I love them for feeling those things, but it's really awful to hear them talk about it.  I get squirmy.

5.  When you are the only one leaving and everyone else is staying, that's when things get really annoying.  The goodbye is focused on you, because you are the one who is changing. And everyone else only has to say one goodbye, to you, while you have to say tens of goodbyes...and that's just not fair.

6. You know, the whole nothing being the same ever again thing kind of sucks.  It kind of sucks a lot.  A whole freaking lot.  Eff nothing being the same ever again.  It can go die in a corner.

So, yeah, goodbyes are the worst. But, really what it all pins down to is discomfort with the ambiguity of it all.  Because goodbyes are so ambiguous.  There's ambiguity in all of it. Whether or not to hug. Whether or not you'll ever see each other again. Whether or not you will miss each other equally. Whether or not the person needs to express their feelings, feel their feelings.  Whether or not anything will ever be the same again.  All of it is ambiguous and that's what makes it tough.

But ambiguity isn't all bad.  Ambiguity leaves open doors and possibilities.  So do goodbyes.


Keep on thinking,
Josie