So, I hear the World Cup is happening...or happened.

Please hold.

So Google says it's still happening, but that the United States is out. Apparently they lost to Belgium. I feel like that should be embarrassing for the U.S., but that's probably because the only things I associate with Belgium are chocolate and waffles, neither of which seem that intimidating.*

Anyways, that's the extent of my knowledge about the athletic/competition side of the World Cup.  There are, however, some observations I've made about the World Cup as an outsider (one who has no interest in or knowledge of the sport).  So here is a list of...

things I've noticed about the World Cup.

1.  People seem to care way more about soccer when the World Cup is on than when it is not.  This is probably the most important point I'd like to make in this entry, which is why I've placed it at the top.  I really don't understand why once every four years, people who never watch soccer, suddenly become rabid soccer fans.  Like, uncontrollably enthusiastic, chanting in the streets, yelling at inanimate objects, throwing things, soccer fans.  These are people who could tell you nothing about the culture of soccer as it is played on a more regular basis.  I find it especially interesting that here, in the United States, where soccer is apparently the fifth most popular sport (though I doubt my source's statistical prowess),  and where most people who do watch soccer regularly support a non-U.S. team, people will root for the U.S. Soccer team once every four years. A little to band-wagony for me.

2.  People seem to drink a lot while watching the World Cup.  Why athletic events must always be accompanied by alcohol, I will never understand.  No other form of entertainment assumes the presence of alcohol.  For example, as  theater geek, I am fully aware that no part of theater culture (except the cast parties) involve the assumption of alcohol.  Yes, there is alcohol available at the theater but it is so insanely overpriced that no one dares touch it.  While World Cup alcohol is likely similarly up-priced, it doesn't seem to stop people.  When there's an athletic event, there must be alcohol!

3. People seem to want to watch the World Cup in public places.  When I am really interested in something (a movie, a book, an award show, a bootleg musical video) I tend to want to be alone to enjoy it, focus on it, without distraction, and without being a distraction to others.  Apparently this does not apply to the World Cup.  There's a strange sense of comradery that comes with international sports competitions. 'Merica!

4.  People seem less productive while the World Cup is happening.  So many of my coworkers have attempted to disprove the immense body of research showing that multitasking is impossible.  They have failed.  Thanks for the dead weight coworkers.

5.  My social media is unintelligible.  There are so many words and names that are completely foreign to me.  It makes my Facebook and Twitter feeds look like I have changed my default language.  I don't know what you're talking about!  Can we have a translation button for Soccer Talk like we do for Spanish please?

6. I am really good at faking interest.  I went for ice cream with a friend the other day.  The ride there is long, but the ice cream is SO GOOD that we sacrifice the time and gas money.  The entire ride there he talked about the World Cup and soccer which means I did a really good job of feigning interest because he's got great social skills and should have picked up on my complete disinterest and confusion.  Someone give me a Tony!

7. When someone bites on the soccer field, it's big news...the fact that the entire country of Brasil has gone without so that we can talk about people biting each other, however, is not.  From what I understand someone bit someone on a soccer field at some point in the past few weeks (during the World Cup I'm assuming).  Apparently this was highly offensive and unsportsmanlike (I guess that makes sense, but was there blood?  Is someone missing part of their ear now?) and because of this the bite was big news.  I'm sorry, but someone biting someone else is not big news. Just ask a cop...or a teacher. What we haven't spoken nearly enough about, however, is the fact that a fifth of Brazil's population lives in poverty and they've just spent a few billion dollars to make stadiums that will probably turn into mediocre tourist attractions or temporary homes for that fifth living in poverty.

8.  There's a chant I guess...  It's something like "I believe that we will win" which is lovely, but not intimidating or even really all that helpful coming from the mouth of Joe Schmo in Podunk [INSERT STATE HERE] who is sitting at a bar.  That kind of goes for any vocalization of instruction or encouragement from a television viewer of any athletic event...not going to make a difference.  Take a note from the American Idol viewers of the world and save your energy for reactions not instructions.  They can't hear you.

9.  You have to have cable to watch soccer during the World Cup.  Apparently it's only on ESPN...perhaps this explains the overabundance of communal viewing.

10.  I do not enjoy eating in dining establishments when the World Cup is on. What a mood killer it was to go to have a nice dinner with a friend at our favorite Thai restaurant only to find that it had been infiltrated by fake fans of soccer.  They were loud and that's just rude.  People get annoyed when kids make a lot of noise at a restaurant, but suddenly when sports are on the television adults can break the rules we've set for little humans without fully developed brains.  Nope.

Keep on thinking,
Josie

*Well now I've got images of chocolate soaked waffle monsters in my brain, and let me tell you, the waffle monsters in my brain are very intimidating.