If you exist in the world then you've probably heard of the concepts of introversion and extroversion, and know that these concepts are often applied as descriptors of people.  Well, if you believe that introverts don't like being around others and extroverts do, then you're almost right, but not quite.  Carl Jung, one of the fore-people of the field of psychology, was the first to use the terms introversion and extroversion.  He theorized that introverts are focused on themselves, internal reflection, dreaming, thinking, and insight. They're often disinterested in interacting with others compared to extroverts who focus outside of themselves and on sensory perception and action.  Extroverts are usually energetic and lively.  Jung originally proposed that people have parts of each of these within themselves, but current theory differs from his original theory.  Current theory posits that people fall on a continuum somewhere between introversion and extroversion.

Anyways, according to both definitions (the original and the modern) I am an introvert. It's not hard to tell.  I really like my close friends, but small talk with strangers is painful and exhausting.  Attending an event where I know no one, or even know some people, but don't know them closely, is anxiety-inducing. Leaving the house for irregular activities (anything aside from work and errands) is simply annoying.  My work as an academic and therapist is also a struggle as an introvert. I work in a field in which collaboration, networking, and first-impressions are pivotal to success.  I regularly meet strangers who immediately divulge painful, personal, and often awkward thoughts, to which I must respond appropriately.  Essentially, I am an introvert in an extrovert's life.

In my extroverted life as an introvert I have developed a few coping skills and rules by which I live my introverted extrovert's life.  The biggest of these coping skills has been finding friends who respectfully push my boundaries.  If it were up to me, I would interact with no one outside of school, work, and errands. This is okay for a while, but I don't believe that I exist exclusively for myself.  Holing myself up in my house is kind of selfish and doesn't do anyone much good.   Also, I know that when I do leave the house, I usually have fun. Having extroverted friends who come to me with ideas for excursions and opportunities to socialize, has forced me to leave my house and experience the world...within reason.

When I do socialize, which usually involves interacting with strangers of some kind,  I always worry that I'm going to say something stupid or look weird.  What I've realized though, is that first, the more I worry about looking weird, the weirder I act.  Second, who cares if I act weird?  What I'm really worried about when I worry about looking weird is that people will judge me.  Honestly, when I really think about it, I don't care much if people judge me.  If they don't like me, then I don't need them.  So, when I'm interacting with strangers, or even people who I worry will judge me, I remind myself that I really don't care if people judge me and that the worst that can happen is I don't make a friend.  I already have those, so I think I'll survive without more.

A final thing I've learned as an introvert in an extrovert's life is that it's okay to say "no."   When someone asks me if I want to make plans, I make habit of saying yes, because I like to challenge myself, but on occasion, if I'm really not up for it, I allow myself to say "no."  I allow myself to say no because I know I deserve it, and I know that for my happiness and sanity I need to spend the time by myself to gather my thoughts and recharge.  It's hard not to feel guilty when I say no, but I've made a conscious decision to catch myself with these guilty feelings, assess my reasons for feeling guilty, and in the end (usually) decide that I have no reason to feel guilty and let it go.

So, if you're an introvert living in a world that is certainly (I believe) more suited to extroverts, push your boundaries a bit, but let yourself off the hook when pushing your boundaries doesn't work out perfectly.  Regardless of whether or not you are the perfect social butterfly you've got other great qualities!  And while an awkward silence will be unbearably painful, I assure you that it will not kill you.

Go get 'em Tiger!

Keep on thinking,
Josie